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Stuffed from a lazy, delicious brunch together at their home, I was putting my coat on to leave, and said second child demanded to put on a performance for me…she was going to sing her new song and accompany herself on the standing banjo. Apparently she had been way too shy to do this before and now, completely emboldened and dripping with passion, she strummed on that banjo, singing her sultry lyrics about “having strange days”. Mesmerizing.
“She’ll grow out of her shyness”, says one parent. I say, “Maybe. Even if she doesn’t, I understand, I still am that way.”
Laughter. “YOU!? Shy!!? You, the Amazon warrior?”
Yes, me. I am at home onstage in front of large crowds, bold and outgoing, and at more intimate gatherings, I generally prefer one on one, the loner in the corner, shy and quiet. It took me a long time to embrace both of these aspects of myself, because it didn’t make sense for me to feel both. It just didn’t compute. More to the point, I made a judgment that one was better than the other.
The truth is I am both, the extroverted introvert. My boldness helps me to move forward with gusto. My introversion nourishes my inner landscape. Both express my deepest passions. I have come to understand that I have many of these paradoxes and contradictions. Madly organized Free Spirit, Nurturing Warrior, and Glamorous Mountain Dweller.
I no longer try to define myself in any direction. These are the distinctions of the ego, and as a spiritual being, I know that I am far vaster. If I allow myself to express the paradoxes, then I get to know much more of myself.
And Life, just like Humans (for we are Life) is no different. Life is full of contradictions. As much as we want life to be organized and to maintain distinctions, it does not flow that way. One of my favorites … “Life isn’t fair, but Life is good.” There are no absolutes in life, except, perhaps Absolute vodka. Cheers to Holy Paradox!
The sooner I can get on board with this deep spiritual understanding and find the sacred space within to hold these paradoxes, the quicker I can get on board with what is happening in my Life. It is all One after all, isn’t it?
Do you have the courage to hold your personal paradoxes? How about the paradoxes of Life?